everything you want to change about yourself you already are

Have you ever looked at old photos of yourself and thought to yourself, “who is that person?” The other day, my dad pulled out some old photos of me. They spanned a vast 37 years of me at various ages. I noticed that somewhere between the ages 10 or 11 through somewhere in my mid to late 20s, I started to feel like I didn’t really recognize the person who I was. 

You see, for me, it was around that young age that I started to get really swept up in who I thought I was supposed to be (and also who I thought I wasn’t supposed to be). It took some significant trials and even more painful errors to realize that in order to be the person that I actually want to be, I need to embrace who I already am.

It might sound oxymoronic, but the change you are seeking is not about changing yourself for the rest of the world. You have already done that. If you are feeling dissatisfied with yourself, you will never find satisfaction in striving for something outside of yourself. That’s because our society creates moving targets that are impossible to achieve. We always have to be “more” something.

The truest way to a happy, meaningful life is by rediscovering your authentic self. That self that has always been there, that is waiting to emerge, that may have been covered up by the bullshit expectations or messages of “not good enough” or whatever else you’ve told yourself or been told.

It takes a lot of effort to cover up and hide that authentic self, doesn’t it? It’s pretty exhausting, isn’t it? What if you could put that down, and let your true self be seen? What’s the worst that could happen? It might be scary? And? Would you rather continue carrying that weight that’s not even yours to carry?

Over the past few years, I’ve started to recognize myself again. The sparkle has shown back up in my eyes. Does that mean I’m happy all the time? Of course not. But I feel more satisfied with who I am, and I trust myself. I’ve been able to achieve that trust through lots and lots of practice, showing myself who I am, showing others who I am, and listening to my intuition.

One of the beautiful things about returning to yourself is that there’s always something new to discover about yourself. You get to tap into a state of curiosity and get to know yourself more and more all the time.

During this time of year where you are inundated with New Years resolutions and messages of “new year, new you,” I’d like to pose these questions to consider: “who does this benefit?” and “what purpose does this serve?” If the answer is anything other than getting closer to your highest, truest self, ask yourself if it is worth your precious time.

Alternatively, I’d like to invite you to work toward something more like this: speak your truth more. Be vulnerable. Be honest with yourself. Challenge yourself to do something scary that will help you grow into the person that your soul knows you to already be. That person is waiting for you.

We were all made to be in this time, in this moment. The confusing part of it is that this moment was not created for us: the ideologies and frameworks that exist in our society were not created for our unique, bright, and weird ass selves. Our challenge then becomes to meet ourselves and each other in the moment to create and transform the world in the way that only we can. We must start by being ourselves, and from there we can discover the way to the evolution that we have been waiting for.